Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
