my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
