My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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