She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
