My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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