I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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