Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
