doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
