i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
