he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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