like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
