Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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