Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
