I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
