I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
