what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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