Your face is a jimmy john
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
