is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They took my balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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