why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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