I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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