I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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