Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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