yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
