when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
