Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
