i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
