he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this is an emotional support booty call
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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