smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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