i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everclear isn't food dammit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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