I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
