i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
