He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
