if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
