No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
