just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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