Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
