so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
