The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
