I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
