Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
