when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
