thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
