i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
