I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
