i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
