I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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