I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
