You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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