I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
