I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
