She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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