at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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