They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
