you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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