youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Randomize
