"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
