whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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