I can text with my tongue
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need water and some morals
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
