fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
