Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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