I need help removing her.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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